FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
