You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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