I heard we made out
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
