Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
with your own penis?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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