We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Sorry about my life...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
