There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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