dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
