Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
