why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
