I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
