Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
