Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
