There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Randomize
