every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
