Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
