Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
