did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
