You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
