She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
