If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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