I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
