There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
