WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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