remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
