The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
