Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
