Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
