I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he puts the penis in happiness.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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