Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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