She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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