my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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