Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
