This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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