Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
