Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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