I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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