you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
