I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
