I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
