i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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