Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
