I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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