ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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