I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
