If that was your dad, he is hot
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
