hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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