i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
4 words: hood of his car
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
