I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
