Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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