When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
