its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
