it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
