Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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