There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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